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Lonely
Tuesday, February 4, 2014 at 7:27 AM
It was heartbreaking to know that I had to
wake up. I've been dreaming about you for two nights now. I wasn't weary of these dreams, but otherwise. I wanted to see you even if I had to face the next
morning without you. This is how much I long for you; desperately trying to
hold on to anything that would make me feel that I can be close to you. It’s
been a while since you’re gone and it never got any better. If anything, it’s
much worse.
I was able to embrace you after such a long
time. You were so cold. It escapes me how I managed know this, but I do, and I
didn’t mind at all. I wanted to protect you from the cold, and I just wanted to
get close to you; even if it was only for three seconds, even if it wasn’t
real. And I feel like crying as I am saying this. I wish you were here with me.
I wish you can still enjoy life with us. I wish to see you well again. I wish
to see you smile again, hear your voice again. I am so scared to forget. And I wish
I could have done more. I wish I was able to save you. But I didn't and I couldn't. And this is all I can manage to do, a lot of wishful thinking, a lot
of regrets. And nothing else kills me more inside.
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“In most books, the I, or first person, is omitted; in this it will be retained; that, in respect to egotism, is the main difference. We commonly do not remember that it is, after all, always the first person that is speaking. I should not talk so much about myself if there were anybody else whom I knew as well. Unfortunately, I am confined to this theme by the narrowness of my experience. Moreover, I, on my side, require of every writer, first or last, a simple and sincere account of his own life, and not merely what he has heard of other men's lives; some such account as he would send to his kindred from a distant land; for if he has lived sincerely, it must have been in a distant land to me. Perhaps these pages are more particularly addressed to poor students. As for the rest of my readers, they will accept such portions as apply to them. I trust that none will stretch the seams in putting on the coat, for it may do good service to him whom it fits.”
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