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Defeat
Friday, September 6, 2013 at 7:07 PM
It's been a while since I have found something or someone that overwhelmed me. You know, the kind that just dominates my consciousness, all my senses on overdrive, giving me goosebumps and a fast heartbeat. It's been a while since something genuinely excited me.
I don't know why I always spend time thinking about what isn't there. I am unable to see what is in front of me. I am so afraid of dullness... Of missing out, of being left behind. I find it so hard to transform myself into something I am not, when I haven't even figured out who I really am. I am so tired of being trapped in my mind all the time. Is it in my nature? Is this just the way I am? At least I already got one thing going. I am so tired of pinning expectations on people, specially the people that I adore so much, that gives my life purpose and meaning, when their life isn't entirely tied to me, when they can do without me, when they can exist happily in my absence. It is a tiring game, life. That's how I see it now. I don't know where to start. I don't know how to get out there. I don't know why when I look at the mirror, I see nobody worth it. I don't know why flaws is all I see. I don't know why I am entirely a failure. |
“In most books, the I, or first person, is omitted; in this it will be retained; that, in respect to egotism, is the main difference. We commonly do not remember that it is, after all, always the first person that is speaking. I should not talk so much about myself if there were anybody else whom I knew as well. Unfortunately, I am confined to this theme by the narrowness of my experience. Moreover, I, on my side, require of every writer, first or last, a simple and sincere account of his own life, and not merely what he has heard of other men's lives; some such account as he would send to his kindred from a distant land; for if he has lived sincerely, it must have been in a distant land to me. Perhaps these pages are more particularly addressed to poor students. As for the rest of my readers, they will accept such portions as apply to them. I trust that none will stretch the seams in putting on the coat, for it may do good service to him whom it fits.”
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